UnHappy New Year

i’m really sorry for being absent here for a long time, for not updating y’all on what’s going on with me.
i’m also sorry for my previous updates (or maybe the upcoming ones) for they were so blue and despairing.
but i really appreciate all you guys who keep on checking me out here and posting your comments on my updates.  keep them coming because i love reading them.  it really helps.  i’ll be replying to y’all soon if i’ll be all right.

2006 is here.  new year.  new life?

yes, it is a totally new life for me.
my stepfather rested in peace already.

sorry because as of now, i can’t really express about what just happened.  i tried to but i might sound crazy when people will caught me here.  i might cry while i’m typing.  i’m updating my blog in a public place.  i have no PC of my own.
plus, i’m so bothered.  i still can’t figure out why God is doing this to me NOW.  i know he has some plans for me.  i still can’t figure out why I had these heavy problems ever since.  i feel like i don’t deserve to have these.  but… “Thy will be done”
and as the song goes…“Someday, I will understand in God’s whole plan and what he’s done to me…” (Britney Spears - Someday (I Will Understand) )

i don’t know what’s ahead of me.  now that i feel i’m all alone.  now that my greatest fear in life has come.  now that my nightmare turns into reality.

my problem now is not only the loss of my stepfather.  i know we will see each other there in heaven soon.  he was the bread winner of our small family.  he, mama and me.
now that he left us, we are suffering.